Welcome to "Navigating Leadership," an eight-part series of articles and videos by Admiral James Stavridis, USN (Ret), Vice Chair of Global Affairs at Carlyle. Drawing from his 37-year naval career, including his role as Supreme Allied Commander at NATO, Admiral Stavridis shares key leadership insights and wisdom for today’s increasingly complex and changing world. Subscribe here to be notified of future editions.

It seems everyone these days has advice on how to be a good leader. I’m not the first person to share his experiences in leadership, and I certainly won’t be the last. But although much has been written about what it takes to lead well, less has been communicated about the things good leaders don’t do.

In my book The Accidental Admiral, I touch on this briefly, and I’d like to share these thoughts with you as a counter to all the proactive recommendations you’re likely to find in books and on social media. In my experience, good leadership means avoiding these four things:

1. Refusing to delegate

Many of us have met or worked with someone who thought they were indispensable, only to be taught otherwise as situations and environments changed. The truth is that none of us are indispensable.

If you have assembled a competent team, trained them well, and made everyone clear about their role and what is expected of them, there is no reason to do their work for them. You may feel that you can do a specific task better than anyone on your team, but leaders must learn to let go and delegate tasks and responsibility to others. While I am proud of the people for whom I used to work, I am prouder of the people who worked for me and who have gone on to do great things on their own.

2. Losing patience with people

It’s easy to get angry and lose one’s temper when someone’s performance falls short. But when I think back on all the bosses I had who cut me slack when I disappointed them, I now appreciate their kindness and wisdom in holding their tongue. I am not suggesting that poor performance be ignored, but I know I benefitted most from bosses who helped me learn without the lash. Wanting to deliver results that will please someone who has faith in you is far more motivating than doing what is necessary to avoid a scolding.

"Anger has no place in the workforce. We should never demean others. We should never scream and yell. The minute you lose your temper to a subordinate, their mind simply goes to white noise."

3. Obsessing over things that don’t matter in the long run

Those old enough to remember the Y2K crisis recall how anxiety mounted as the nation approached the year 2000. There were widespread fears that when the ball dropped in Times Square on December 31, 1999, the world would go dark in a cascade of computer network failures. Well, January 1, 2000, came and went without a hiccup, making the worries about Y2K seem silly in retrospect.

The point is not that we should always proceed blithely and ignore the potential for miscalculating. It’s rather that we should prepare carefully and have contingency plans in place, yet not obsess about every possible detail that might go wrong. The truth is, most times the worst doesn’t happen and when something bad does transpire, it’s often different from what was expected.

A second element of avoiding an obsessive approach to problem-solving is that “problems” are often an issue of form over substance. The military often falls into this mindset. I’ve seen senior officials consumed with whether the ribbons on a service member’s chest were in the right order at the expense of paying attention to what’s going on in that person’s mind and heart. Don’t let the little stuff consume your time and attention.

4. Working to exhaustion

Working long is not synonymous with working effectively. Whether it’s working 19 hours a day to impress a boss who works 18 or taking on too much to prove your determination or commitment, after a certain point the productivity and quality of your efforts starts to diminish. With each additional hour after that tipping point you do more damage than good to yourself and others.

If you would never wait to refuel your car until its gas tank ran dry, why would you use up all your precious resources of energy and strength without leaving some in reserve? If you are running on fumes and a bigger problem than the one you are working on crops up, you are bound to fail if you have exhausted your strength.

My own experience with exhaustion drove this message home. As a ship captain in my late 30s, I was transiting the Suez Canal after completing an exhausting forward combat deployment. Not being clear-headed and trusting too much the advice of an Egyptian canal pilot, I made a foolish error in judgment that would have grounded our ship in the shallow canal and ended my naval career. Fortunately, my navigator—an officer in his 20s—recognized that I was too exhausted to think straight and took control of the helm. The act violated protocol but saved the day—and me. (That officer, by the way, went on to become an admiral himself.)

There is a common thread in these four “don’ts” of leadership. All of them deal with what happens when egos have grown a bit too large, and a sense of humility has not kept pace. Taking oneself too seriously and believing in your indispensability is a recipe not only for poor leadership but also for personal disappointment later in life. A better path is engaging and nurturing the strengths of those on your team, giving them the space and support to do their part, and reaping the long-lasting satisfaction that comes from knowing you helped them do their best.

Until next time, Godspeed and open water in your own leadership voyage.

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